This process of aging, getting older, cresting into middle age is not for sissies, people!
Related to that, I’ve decided to go grey. I can no longer keep up with the root touch-ups, salon visits, and highlighting work that is required of those of us who don’t walk around with their natural hair color.
And in the wake of this decision I have found 3 reactions to this decision of mine.
“Good for you! Why not! It’s easier! It’s the real you! Celebrate all the years that went into making your hair just the color it is.”
<long pause> <long pause AGAIN while looking me up and down> “Why? Why would you want to do that? I mean, you’re not THAT old!”
“Well, good for you, I guess. You can always color it again if it looks too mousy or if you don’t like it.”
(Reactions #2 and #3 are usually the peeps that regularly get their “color done.” My decision puts them on edge. They feel like I think they should do what I’m doing. I don’t! I promise! But people can’t help but think about whether or not someone else’s decision should be theirs, too. So – as you can tell it’s complicated.)
But I promise you – the work of staying brunette was not worth it for me. For starters, I was too cheap to actually “get it done” somewhere. So I regularly added hair dye to my grocery list and just chose something darkish brown.
So why is that a big deal? It just became something I concentrated on way too much. I tended to feel less put-together, less confident if I hadn’t maintained my color well. These were unattractive moments of mine – not just externally – so silly that a tiny bit of a grey skunk line appearing down the part of my hair would cause such consternation! But it did.
This is why I decided to just go grey.
My mom tells a funny story from years ago of going out for a run one morning after all her kidlets were off to school. She stopped to say hello to a friend who had slowed down in her car as she was passing. They had a nice little friendly chat. Then, back at home, mom noticed that she had little rivulets of auburn-colored sweat-dye running down the sides of her face – an obvious “bad dye job” dead giveaway. Apparently THAT was the day of my mom’s ultimate decision to become the silver fox. This is a story about which I have thought of often as I headed in the going-grey direction..
Am I sometimes nervous about what I’ve done? For sure? Is this some mid-life crisis, let’s-go-crazy, will-definitely-regret-it-later type of decision….you know the kind like when you decide to let the guy at Fantastic Sam’s (remember Fantastic Sam’s?) cut your hair with ALL the LAYERS because you just met him 9 minutes ago and he has the perfect plan for you and knows just what you are trying to describe? That is the kind if decision I fear I am making.
But most often I am peaceful about it. I’m hopeful that it’s a wise move forward – a move that matches my age, the state of my current life and also perhaps a statement (even if only to my own heart) about authenticity.
These decisive moments seem like risks. They seem brave and certainly feel brave to me. You’re in essence stepping out and saying, “I know we try to hide these grey hairs with lots of money and time and salons and colors and heat but I want you to know what is really going on. All this time – my hair wasn’t actually L’Oréal’s chestnut darker brown. It was actually kind of salt and pepper with a grey or silver streak here or there.” It’s a confession of sorts, an admission to society that I wasn’t quite who I said I was and now – here’s the real deal.
The real deal, indeed.
Ladies I open wide the gates of acceptance for us all. If you want to dye your hair until you are 112, I think you’re darling. If you decide to go “cold turkey” someday with your hair, call me! Let’s celebrate this moment of bravery! And for those of you who will TRULY never have a grey hair in your head, I simply offer my heartfelt blessings to you for superior pigment skillery. You are an anomaly and the hair industry sheds a tear every time they see you for you will never truly need their services.
Have you made any brave decisions (hair related or otherwise) lately? How’d it go?
This process has taken some real commitment. I am squarely in the camp of root touch ups right now and can see why you wanted to throw caution to the wind and say “die” to dye. I want to know if you feel different walking down the street? More confident? More freedom? Do you at all care what others think or are you so past high school? Have you wanted to punch anyone in the stomach, because of their reaction? (Don’t answer that if it was me). I love the new you, because it’s the same you and you are one of my faves, forever, when we all have locks of silver!
I’m just plain proud of you! You’re doing it. You’re being you! Not that dying hair or wearing make up or getting a facelift ISN’T us — it’s just that sometimes those things mask deeper insecurities. It’s interesting to come face to face with the things that we don’t think we could ever show the world because somehow that would indicate we are “less than” or not pretty enough by the world’s standards. Each of us has our own thing. For so many years that has been wearing make up for me. I remember in college, a guy friend (this always makes it worse right?) asked me why I wore SO MUCH make up? I remember feeling a like I had just been ‘caught’ or ‘judged.’ I suppose it didn’t help that I went to a hippie school so I stood out like a geisha. They didn’t shave their legs or take many showers either. It took me a lot of years before I felt comfortable letting people see me without make up. It took just as long for me to embrace wearing flats over heels. Baby steps. I, for one, think you’re one of the most BEAUTIFUL people I know!! And you come by it very honestly. #silverfoxesunite
PS — The hair industry sheds a tear every time they see me. The anti-aging face cream industry, however, rejoices. #keepingitreal
11 thoughts on “Going Grey; The Real Deal of Momentous Decisions”
Me too! I haven’t colored my hair in a year!! I just got tired of spending the time and money on it! And I was really curious to see what my real color was! Turns out it’s mousy brown with some silver streaks and I’m okay with that! It makes me feel free in some odd way! To each her own- I never leave the house without make-up😊
Amen, sister! Freedom – love it. I’m the same as you on the makeup front. 😉✨
Awesome! There are so many tough things about aging, but I believe one of the more beautiful things is that we just get tired of worrying about what others think of us and become more accepting of our true selves. I quit wearing make up when I turned 40…mostly because I was always thinking I "might" get a run in later in the day so I went everywhere in workout clothes and a pony tail. Got so used to that I will never go back. I need to try the hair business as well, you may have just talked me into it.
And you are so beautiful – inside and out! I love that you are free, Marlene!
I recall a conversation with my dad early in my life. His advice? "Never comment on your wife’s hair." Well, dad, I’m going to anyway. Christina has earned every one of those glorious greys, and then some. I think I myself am responsible for 362 of them just this past week. I admire the story each strand tells, the memory each proclaims, the glory each one reveals, and the beauty that is hers—chestnut brown, salt & pepper, grey, or silver. Her honesty inspires me. Go, girl. Go.
I. Cannot. Even. #hesakeeper
Christina-I have always loved YOU-not your hair. Going natural is a life changing activity. Since I was blonde a good part of my life and now gray, I keep peeking at my hair after it is washed to see if their might still be a few strands of blonde left. I call it God’s new way of highlighting my crown. I feel you are graciously glowing and you have always been lovely inside and out to me. I thank God everyday for you and that you have made our son complete.
love you SO! Thanks for the encouragement!
Christina, when I see someone in natural grey or silver hair, words that come to mind are: self-confident, accomplished, wise, genuine, unpretentious, and regal. These words fit you, and I’m glad you are going forth with this boldly.
Alan – you made my day. You’re so sweet to comment and I’d say all the same things about you, my friend….you’re indeed the real deal. Hope to see you SOON!
I think you look STUNNING. My Mom had a beautiful grey streak in her late 20’s, it runs in out family. She gots compliments on her hair every day even at 70! It is gorgeous on her as well. Im just not quite ready yet and I cant pull it off like she can so I thought e-salon (virtual colorist that sends me color each month) was the greatest gift on earth. I put it on and an hour later poof it’s like Im Mother Gothel getting my little youth boost from Rapunzel. That being said the other day I got up early to do my little Gothel routine, washed, dried my hair and headed out to bible study. It wasn’t until I got there and looked in the mirror that I noticed a huge black dot in the middle of my forehead. I headed to the bathroom and scrubbed myself red but it was no use. Im sure my fellow worshipers took notice of my very creative and unusual hairstyle that morning as I attempted to conceal this catastrophe.
Im loving this blog ladies keep writing!